Liverpool Story

( as only a Moron can tell it )

Being Morons, a self proclaimed not-taking-ourselves-too-seriously band, when our drummer was unable to get away from his day job to perform in Liverpool, the idea of bringing him along on a CD made perfect sense. We went into a studio, slightly better than the closet where we recorded the original Moron's demo, and Gary "B-Wom" Vacha laid down his contribution to the band's 21 song set list. From there on, for the entirty of the Liverpool experience, Gary on CD became known as the "fake drummer".

It is interesting to play along to a "fake drummer". He became a character in his own right, and over the course the week we praised him, scolded him, fired him, and once even blew him up (spontaneous combustion - ala Spinal Tap)!

Being sure to live up to our name, the Yellow SubMorons arrived in Liverpool 30 minutes after our first gig had ended. We tryed, but found traveling back in time to be impossible, so instead we found the fellow in charge and let him know we'd be unable to make that show. To be fair, the band had never been told we were scheduled to play at that time. It was only when we picked up and read through our band packet that we noticed two "suprise" performances. The real suprise was for anyone who had gone to the Caven that afternoon to see some Morons..."Suprise, we aren't even in town yet!" In any case, having missed our own show, the evening was free, so we wandered about Liverpool taking it all in.

By this point we'd given up on finding all the famous Rutle sites, having come to the sad realization that they are indeed fiction :) . In Hamburg (where we were hanging out, missing our "suprise gig"), we looked for the Ratskeller, finding only the Kaiserkeller (where the Beatles once played) and the Rathaus (the townhall). As luck would have it, however, we did find one of the original rats lurking about the London tube. Also fortunate, Nicole, as Stig O'Hara, had the opportunity to cross Abbey Road trouserless.

The next afternoon was the first of our performances we actually attended. From there we did a total of 8 shows in 5 days. The drummer managed to screw up at least once in evey show...sometimes he'd drum too fast, or too slow, or not loud enough. Surely it was all his fault when those of us on stage found ourselves not quite on his beat. There was that occasion when he must have been up too late the night before, hanging out with the DJs at the 80's dance club up the street from the Cavern. The next morn we hooked him up and began to play, when suddenly he skipped (hic-cup). "Stop the drummer!" "Stop the drummer!" We completed the song without him. "Shall we try again?" Well, after three songs it became clear our "fake drummer" was too far gone to make it through the show. Someone in the audience called out "Can the drummer!" With the drums out of the mix, the audience became part of the band. We shared our tamborine and gave out toy instruments. The crowd clapped and banged the tables. They were wonderful...thank you to all of them.

It was on the stage at the Cavern back where our "fake drummer" self combusted. He had some sort of trouble dealing with the difference between the electric current in England and American power. So the black box that we'd been using to control the drummer was reduced to a useless paperweight. We can deal with that...just give the CD to the soundman to play from the boards. Unfortunately, our high-tech player was designed such that the CD inside could only be released when the player was set to on, and such a setting is impossible when you've just blown up your "fake drummer". Eventually we were able to rescue the drummer from his prison, but unable to control him from stage, each track had to be announced aloud to the soundman, and thus the entire audience. This became our program guide to the set list, "for those of you following along, we will be skipping track 5 and moving on to track 6...okay drummer, count us in."

There was one show where we didn't even try to use the drummer. Upon entering the venue, we learned a few bands prior to us, the sound system had essentially been blown up (must have been hanging with our drummer), so everything sounded as though it was being projected through a megaphone. We had a hard enough time staying together with ourselves, so we didn't think we'd have much of a chance keeping with a tipsy drummer, who would have sounded like he was playing a set of kitchen-ware. In any case, that night we felt like "Rut-talica".

Overall, we had a fantastic time and wonderful exerperience. The nice thing about being SubMorons is that if something goes arye it must be due to your moron....uh....moronity? It is an amazing feeling to stand on the stage at the Caven Front and see the crowd the same way the Beatles did way back when. You'll have to ask Gary if he got the same sort of rush being played on CD in that room. At the end of our last Cavern show, for the first time in the history of this band, every name was announced in it's proper form, that is Jim was introduced as "Jim Hondros" not the usual "Jim Nasty". Even the name "Gary Vacha" was given credit as our "fake drummer". It seemed fitting that eveyone would be properly acknowledged on this stage...even if it also made for the first serious moment in the history of the band.

So from this experience we have learned the following (that's right, even Morons can learn)....
1. Be prepared for anything. You may sound like Morons, or Rut-alica, or (who knows) Chipmunks?
2. Make friends with other bands, they can warn you about strange sound conditions (thank you Penny Lane).
3. If you wish to perform with a fake drummer, chose a battery powered one such that you do not blow him up.
4. Don't allow your fake drummer to have too much fun the night before a gig.
5. Just in case, always have an "understudy drummer" in the wings
6. If all else fails, ask the audience to join the band...they are really good.
7. Don't look too hard for those famous Rutles sites...you'll never find them.
8...and most importantly...be a little silly and have alot fun...that's the key to doing the Rutles a proper tribute.

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